the curious easel delay
or, don't rush a good thing?
In 2020 I ordered this Mabel easel. The box sat in my den/studio (the room in which the assembled easel is pictured) for months until I removed it to the basement where it rested for nearly three years until a month or two ago when I brought it upstairs to the den, again. Ahem, mostly because I thought the box and its contents may be water damaged due to too much rain and a bit of basement flooding.
During the pandemic year I met with my therapist weekly via Telehealth and she encouraged me to find something to do, other than sleep a lot. Thus, I ordered the easel. Of course, I could paint without one, but I’m a maddening sort who believes that I must have the proper tools, space, mindset, motivation, etc. before venturing on any endeavor. It’s a block. A problem how I self-cabotage and stymy myself.
Nearly three years later, on Sunday, my daughter, mother, and I assembled the easel. The instructions… sigh, glancing at them overwhelmed me. Normally I have my daughter assemble things, because she’s better at it than I, but she quickly grew bored when things didn’t come together like they should, so my mother and I tackled the beast, and after realizing that something was backwards, we quickly put it together.
Now it sits in my “studio” awaiting inspiration to hit. Or burble up. Or whatever inspiration does. Making this progress though imbues me with renewed motivation? excitement? A bit of both, but then again, so much hesitation about getting out my paints and palette knives and brushes.
Instead of waiting for inspiration to knock me on my ass, I believe I just need to DO. To MAKE.
In 2021 I bought Flora Bowley’s The art of aliveness. I read it last week. Something she reminded me of was “We very often encounter resistance in the form of procrastination, dread, distraction, or overwhelm.” I live that.
On a lark, some years ago I bought a ukulele. It’s stored in a closet. I never learned to play it. Recently though, I think of it, and entertain ideas of plucking out a tune or two. While I’m aware of my patterns, I lack something in terms of disrupting and redirecting them. Help? Advice?